To Love and Perish
By Dan O'Donnell
What's worse than being an Astros fan this season? Being an Astros fan, proposing to your girlfriend on the Jumbotron at Minute Maid Park, and getting rejected in front of tens of thousands of people.
That was the nightmare for one poor sap Monday night, who got on one knee and then got a bucket of popcorn dumped on his head before his jilting (presumably ex-) lover ran for the exit amid a chorus of boos.
Astros skipper Phil Garner said it best, summing up the botched engagement and his team's season thusly: "We lead the league in marriage proposals, and we couldn't get that one right tonight."
I don't know about you folks, but my girlfriend is the kindest, gentlest person I've ever met, but I'm still quite confident she would have me murdered, execution-style if I ever tried proposing at a ball game. In that respect, the Houston dude probably got off easy with a face full of popcorn.
It is possible, though, that this was all a set-up. As long as there have been sports, there have been moderately clueless guys proposing to their moderately annoyed girlfriends via Jumbotron. It's almost never that you see a schmaltzy "Yes!" and kiss make the news, but when she says no? They're both instantly quasi-celebrities!