Ninety year-old Milwaukee philanthropist, Joseph Zibler, is about to give the city of Milwaukee $50 million over the next ten years to “transform the quality of life in Milwaukee’s low-income neighborhoods.”

Where do I get in line?

God bless you, Mr. Zibler, but I think that this is a bad idea. If you really want to help transform the quality of life in my neighborhood, please... show me how to make $50 million, show me how to make money the way you do. If you’re giving away fifty million that must mean you have millions upon millions of dollars working for you day and night, night and day, even on the weekends... right?

You see, Mr. Zibler, in the immortal words of the orangutan, King Louie, from Jungle Book...

“Oh, oobee doo... I wanna be like you. I wanna walk like you, talk like you, too!”

Show me rich man’s fire, sir...  Show me how to make da moneyyyyyyyy! I promise to share the knowledge with the rest of the community. So lets do this thing Mr. Zibler. That’s the kind of help the inner city of Milwaukee needs.

Knowledge!