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The Cold Filtered Ramblings of Gene Mueller

Lipstick On A Pig

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     Someone once said that all Lyndon Johnson had to do to ruin a suit was to put it on.

     Harsh.

     So it goes with me and a tuxedo.

     I need one this weekend for a black-tie fundraiser that I have the honor of hosting.    It's not that I do a whole lot of these things, maybe one or two a year, and therein lies the problem: should I jump off my wallet and actually BUY  a penguin outfit, or keep renting them?

      The math makes the decision a no-brainer: I just dropped $190 bucks for the honor of wearing a snappy black affair with midnight blue vest/tie from roughly five until 11.    That's over $30 an hour.     If one hunts for a sale, a savvy buyer can snag a used tuxedo for a little bit more than the cost of a rental.    Since a classic black is always in style, you're pretty much set for life.

       Yet, I remain CONVINCED that the second I walk out of a store as the proud owner of a freshly purchased tux of my own that I will NEVER get another invite to a black-tie event again.

       Silly?    Maybe, but I'm also the guy who can make it rain merely by getting my car washed.   I can also make winds change, simply by changing directions on my bicycle.    Whichever way I seem to go on two wheels, the prevailing gale will always be in my face.   

      As I return my tux tomorrow morning, I'll walk out of the store stone-cold-certain that I'll never be back.    The only way to make that a mortal lock would probably be for me to leave with an outfit of my own in tow.   

      What will be the chances of it ever coming out of the garment bag?

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