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Charlie Sykes: Sykes Writes

"Bring Gold Bond"

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June 7, 2011

 

 

Dear Unionista brethren,

 

Summer is upon us, and many of you will soon be trekking to Madison to kick off your summer holiday with - what else ? - a little urban camping in the shadows of our beloved mother ship, the Capitol, from which all good things used to flow.

 

Our Capitol City can be a lovely place to visit this time of year, but, due to the many challenges often presented by squatting in a public right-of-way, some amount of due diligence is clearly in order as you prepare for your journey.

 

Here is a helpful check-list to serve as your guide, compliments of the brain-trust here at your friendly union office:

 

With your taxing workload, we know that many of you aren’t

always able to get the amount of physical activity you should.

That’s why we think that Gold Bond Medicated Powder should be

on your short-list of camping necessities. It will bring soothing

comfort to your chafed nether-regions after a long day of vile chanting and Hacky Sack.

 

Whiling away the hours in a poorly-ventilated nylon dome perched atop a city sidewalk can take its toll on a person. That’s why we suggest that you pack plenty of technology in your rucksack.

iPhone, iPad, iPod, Kindle, Droid, PSP, DS… Take them all!

Use the wonder of social networking to document the history we’ll be making; every bongo strike and bong hit another chance to Tweet our message to the world! Rock on, #neckbeardarmy!

(Note: Solar chargers will be provided in the common area between 2-4 PM each day.)

 

Your union will do what it can to make sure proper pre-printed

visual materials and giant blue fists are available to those in attendance, but due to ‘scheduling conflicts,’ we will not be able to provide a 24/7 presence at this event. That’s why we recommend you pack plenty of art supplies. Paperboard, Sharpies, Crayons, pencils; you can never be too prepared when the urge to whip up a “FOX LIES” sign strikes you after a 2:00 AM munchie-run.

 One simple word, folks: Jenga. What can we say? Never gets old.

 We’re sure you’ll have a great time visiting Madison, but, as with any urban area with a transient Section 8 population and a milquetoast police force, caution is the ‘word of the day.’ ‘Peace Park’ is not as ‘peaceful’ as the name may suggest, and if you see a guy in an orange jumpsuit playing the flute, best not to engage.

 Should you find yourself in any peril, rest assured, Chief Tubbs and his Capitol Police force will be there to watch as you try like hell to get yourself out of it. (But they’ve asked us to let you know that they will be available afterward, to fluff your pillow and get you a cool compress should you survive whatever mess you’ve gotten yourself into.)

 DON’T FORGET! Daily union updates will run at 9:00 AM and 3:00 PM on ‘Madison’s Progressive Talk’ 92.1 “The Mic.” Please cease from bongo playing and Vuvuzela-blowing during this time, as the P.A. system will simulcast the mindless propaganda broadcasts.

 Buck up, little campers. Our best days are ahead of us.

Solidarity Wisconsin! Stand with Wisconsin! Free Tibet!

 

 

Sincerely,

 Da’ Union Overlords

 

 

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